what it is, it wouldn't be.: February 2009

February 27, 2009

really?

remember those boxes? and how we kept crayons and colored pencils and markers and pens and pencils in them? and we'd be bored and whip out of box and draw and color and be merry? remember when we stopped using them? in like idk elementary? because these boxes are just SO elementary. no one our age really needs to be carrying that much crap in a box. you need a pen, two pencils, and a highlighter. thats it. essentials. right? right. so tell me why the girl sitting next to me in my chemistry classes took this little sucker out of her backpack. a clear all pink box. with a billion pencils and pens of different colors in it. WHY. it just made me sad. and the more i sat there next to her the more i wanted to move over a seat. but i couldn't just get up and scoot over a seat once class started. i was embarrassed for her. then she just started annoying me. because she smelled like mexican body wash mixed with cheap alcohol gel that she used to make her hair look wet and stay wavy and scrunched. and every time i breathed that's all i smelled and it was gross. so then i turned to glance over at her and her papers and stuff. and this bitch was wearing a black turtle neck with a fucking gold chain over it. like a thick ass sorta short mexican gold chain. and i wouldn't be surprised if under her shirt she was wearing a gold necklace from her baptism with the virgin mary on it. i wanted to slap her. AND THEN. every fucking five seconds she was opening and closing her damn pink pencil box to get a different colored pen for each step of the chemistry equations. and i'm like, first of all, who does that still? but fine. it if it works you ok. i'll let that slide. but do you really have to put them away when you know you're gonna need them again! i'll cut her. AND THEN! i was texting sama (ily) and i started giggling to myself and she starts looking over at me and my phone. and i'm like, OH HELL NO. i don't know. it just really annoyed me. and she might have been a nice girl but i could not be friends with her. and then the teacher very clearly says, for attendance just put your name on a scrap paper and turn it in. and this dumb broad asks me if she's taking attendance :| if she wasn't so busy organizing her fifty rainbow pens into a pink box and then trying to make that box fit in her oversized backpack she wouldn't have had to ask me anything! ugh! i am so done.

February 26, 2009

object relations.

so some lady named something chodorow came up with this theory that addresses gender identity in relationship formation and object choice. an object is a person who we project ourselves onto. this theory applies only in societies where women mother a child and fathers are less involved in child-rearing, which just so happens to be most societies. so basically when babies are born, they're obviously instantly connected to their mom because a. they came out of her vagina and b. they suck on their breasts for sustenance. so when it's a boy the object (person) they identify with is a female and as they grow up they learn to step away from that identification and identify with male. they renounce their sameness with females as to preserve their masculine identity. see? nonetheless they seek females for the replication of the bond they had with their mom's. which is why it is said that males seem to end up with girls that remind them of their mother. get it? yah. their ambivalence (mixed emotions and feelings) = identity. when it's a girl, it's switched. they identify with a female and stay that way. but they have to learn to change the object of their love from female (mama) to male. females seek support of a mom type from their male counterparts. they begin to devalue females and themselves to develop their identity. because females don't want to grow up to be their mother. their ambivalence = relationships. SO! both males and females diminish the feminine and males fear identity loss in merging with females. YET they desire the original emotional bond. females long for a love object like their mom and seek connection. sex ties into it all too. makes sex makes intimacy stronger. after sex men want a separation while women want emotional connection which creates a conflict. it's not like men hate them or anything, but they want to save their identity and not cuddle because thats just way too feminine. sex creates a vulnerability in a relationship that males to not appreciate so they have to separate themselves for a second to feel manly again. women want to fix the vulnerability by just being hugged like their mommas used to hug them when they felt bad. see the problem? the point is, males and females in heterosexual relationships hate each other but they love each other and it's all your mom's fault. amirite?

fun facts:

-men focus their problems on careers/success, while women focus problems on relationships.

-men cheat more frequently than women.

-men initially choose partners based on attractiveness, while women choose partners based on careers.

-females are conscious of their seeking for emotional connections with males while males are unconscious of seeking emotion connections with females.

-males are conscious of their need for separation while females are unconscious of that.

-males and females like to be both the pursued and purser in a relationship.

-i might have psychology student syndrome, in which a psych student (me!) tries to apply whatever they learn to everyone they know...

i said it once and i'll say it again, psychology is crazy.

February 25, 2009

r.i.p.

i've been informed that mark (flores) passed away this morning. right around my house. motorcycle accident. i'm pretty much at a loss for words, because i mean what do you say when someone you haven't talked to or seen in many months passes away? i'm just sad. because you never expect things like this. and you never expect for freak accidents to happen and for someone so young and talented to just be gone in an instant. all i can really do is hope his family gets the support they need and remember mark as the guy i met in mrs. easlon's class who used to walk around talking about all kinds of music, being sarcastic, and played music whenever he could. nice guy that mark. rest in peace<3.

"r.i.p. mark flores...i'll miss those jazz band days too."

"the best bass player that i have ever met and will ever meet. my mentor and a good friend. i'll never forget your talents and what u passed down to me. i'll never forget the good times we had and the way u opened my mind to music thank you so much just wished i could of told u this in person."

ash(y) wednesday.

did you guyz know today is ash wednesday! ash wednesday is the first day of lent and occurs forty days before easter. but really forty-six because for one reason or another they don't count sundays. because sundays are the lord's (Lord) day, not OURRRRRR day. so for lent you're supposed to give something up. but not just anything. something you really like. it has to be a sacrifice. because jesus (hey-zeus) died for our sins. ALL OF OUR SINS. because we're all sinners. you know? so the sundays in between are like baby easters. little victories over sins! are you an african methodist episcopalian? you celebrate ash wednesday. how about a member of the church of nazarene? you also celebrate it. part of the old catholic church? line up for your ash cross. presbyterian (that's me by baptism!)? we too get ashy. roman catholics? yes duh! part of the eastern orthodox church? lucky, you don't celebrate ash wednesday. rather you start lent on "clean monday." is it funny that it's clean and they don't use ash? cuz ash is dirty? but not because it's ashes from palm sunday so they're holy ashes and holy things aren't dirty. anywho, i don't feel like reading more about it and i just think it's silly in general. but hypothetically speaking, if we all gave up something, what would it be? i would give up...i can't do it actually. i'm not a quitter. i'd say like internet, but i would die. and afterall isn't lent supposed to be a celebration of being victorious over death and sin? cuz it is. at least the sundays are. I KNOW. i would give up smokingggg? no. i would not. because i would die. i would give up eating crappy food! now THAT i can do. because i'd be healthy. and i'd be happy not eating shitty food. do you think i could trick lent into believing that's a good thing to give up? cuz i do. do you think we could all trick lent together? i don't know. but tricking lent is just as silly as actually embracing lent. i'm just gonna keep my distance from all things related after i publish this post, mk.

one month.

is it weird it's technically only been a month? because i feel like it's been longer. but in a good way. not in a "omg i've been with him HOW long" way. amirite? lolz @ that picture.

Jeanette Trinidad: oh babe

Jeanette Trinidad: happy one month of the best love EVER.

derka: i noticed that like a lil while ago. and also earlier before 12 and was waiting to say somethingg. but u beat me to it haha

derka: but seriously, the best.

derka: i love you

Jeanette Trinidad: haha i win.

derka: shhhh! aha

Jeanette Trinidad: i win i win i win

i win in more ways than one. aaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwww. yah i like him. :]]

February 24, 2009

mary jane.

bwahahaha. that's how i feel right now. but more. i'm passed just being high. i'm like stoned. when you don't smoke for eight days and then share a blunt with two other people, you get me. oh hai gais. i have sick munchiez but i can't seem to get my ass off my bed. i think i'm glued. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. k i'm gonna listen to mac dre and drink sprite and eat my funyuns from earlier. i knew saving them would be a good idea. yah man. i think i'm just gonna start smoking in only eight day intervals. you know? youuuuuu knowwwww. hehehez. ok bai.

oedipal theory.

so even though i was like twenty minutes late to class, i learned like a million things. first of all, mayra i hope that if you have a boy he doesn't end up having the oedipal complex because then he's fucked for his adulthood. basically, the oedipal theory applies to boyz (HA!) and their parentalz. apparently, the natural order of life is that after having a kid, at around age four the parents start to focus on their relationship again, rather than just the kid. so then the kid starts hating the dad because the mom is all in love with the dad and isn't giving as much attention and affection to the kid as before. and then he kids all confused about his emotions and the whole time each emotion gets stronger he's repressing the feelings into his unconscious mind. and the whole time the kid isn't exactly telling his parents this. and so to get attention he can start like acting up and going back to acting like a baby trying to get the mom's attention. and he does get her attention, but not in a good way. and so now he's in time out and he's like DAMMIT. and then the kid thinks that he loves the dad, but he hates him for taking the mom from him. so then the kid wishes that the dad would leave for a little bit so he can have the mom to himself. and then the kids like, wait thats bad. and then kids like, wait...what if dad knoooows i'm thinking this. and then the kid thinks, crap. they're gonna hit me or cut my penis off. so then the kids like, ok what can i do to get my mom to love me and to make sure i keep my weewee. and so the kid starts to act like the dad. and then the moms like, oh youre so cute being like your daddy! and the dads like, yah thats mah boy! and then everyone's happy and the kid worked through the problems and doesn't have the oedipus complex. and this is all completely normal for the kid to go through. but if something happens in between all that and he DOESN'T get through all the stages and doesn't figure out how to resolve the problem in one way or the other, then he lives with the oedipus complex into adulthood. which leads to a fear of commitment, ambivalence, and all kinds of stuff dealing with relationships.

i thought it was cool. psychology is crazy...amirite?

cash moneyz.

filling out the FAFSA is such a pain in the ass. it takes you like an hour because you have to be like, a year in the history of the money the government took from me. my parents made like 60something thousand dollars and i see like none of that. ok that's a lie. because i aaaaaam using this macbook sitting in my ucsc college eight dorm eating half a pop tart texting derek on my lg rumor. the point is, why can't the government see i'm a sad girl with little to no money and a hunger for knowledge? bwahahaha did i just say that? no but seriously, it's way to early for this FAFSA bullshit. it's like, the government controlled my sleeping habits. like they don't control enough of my life already. i voted for you barack, i thought you were mah main squeeze... change this: fill out the FAFSA every year...how bout no?! how bout you make it simple and i only have to change like one box. how bout you fill it out for me. howwwww about i never have to fill out FAFSA again, and i still get all the benefits? ...that's the world i one day want to live in.

dedicationz.

why that's just about the sweetest dedication ever.

hence, my everlasting love for smh.

plaid.

i feel like plaid is cool right now. or at least last week because i was looking through dance/heist pictures and its like everyones wearing plaid! i feel like i should stop wearing my plaid in protest of the these people. you know? yah man.

-too many damn boyz wearing this shit.

-whyz the first girl mad?

-just WHY to the 2nd girl?

-plaid bro luv.

-oh shit plaid SKIRT. you see what she did there?

-plaid SCARF. see what heeee did there?

-checkers...plaid. whatever. NO.

-i have that last one in purple. i'm sad.

and i swear there was like twenty more on heist. and like fifty on dance.

i just don't know anymore. APPARENTLY THEY'RE AT HOUSE TOO!

plaid is invading the scene...

why did i just take the time to do this?