no more fall.

too much brain in my head.
i'm done with fall quarter.
it felt good to be good.
now i'm just gonna wait
for vacation and spend some
quality time at home with my
beautiful family and friendz.
come january 5th it'll be back
to the grind. hit the books.
whatever.

thankzgivin'

hi. so me and derek went home for thanksgiving last week. it was good being home, like alwayz.
we spent thanksgiving with mayra at edgar's parent's house. it was really weird not having my mom there but it was still a very enjoyable dinner. derekz family was in hesperia and doing stuff so he came to dinner with me :) afterwardz, we went to his grandma's house and spent a little while there with his uncles and such. later we went back to my house and alex came over and we drank a bit. haha. overall it was a really chill day and we got to spend a lot of time with everyone.

i just realized.

there's no blog about my nephew. he was born on sept 24th and is fucking cute. see for yourself.

SUPERAW<33333333

halloweenierz in picturez.

success!

lovefestivitiez.

so this weekend was lovefest in san francisco. itz actually called lovEvolution, but thatz dumb so lovefest. there was a bunch of preparties, and we went to on at Ruby Skye on thursday. wippenberg was playing so derek was all excited. emily had told us about it, and how to get on guestlist. so the three of us took the trip to sf for that. it was a reallyyy nice fancy place. better than the clubz in LA. it ended up being a really fun night, especially cuz we hadn't done something like that in a while.

so saturday emily, derek, and me got up all early to get ready for lovefest. emily was super rave and wore her dreads and fuzzy leg warmers (that i sewed for her the night before). i wore shiny tightz, and pink shorts, and my party shirt, and sequin shoez. we got to lovefest like idk 1. and it was insane. crazier than last year, handz down. we met up with carrie randomly (as pictured). afterwardz, emily derek and me just wandered around. lovefest is crazy because itz all of these legit city buildings and streetz of the heart of the city just shut down to throw a massive party. bonkerz. we met up with christina later on too and she was there with her roommate and another friend and we all went to the electro stage. we ended up losing the roommate and other friend (oopz) but we kept partying nonetheless, haha. the dubstep stage was soo good. a lot of the stages were poppin'. deadmau5 played and it was SO PACKED. we stayed there for a little while because it was just too ridiculous. but thatz obvious cuz the day party was only ten buckz, thatz ten bucks to see deadmau5. no wonder people were packed like sardinez. anywho, derek, christina, and me left like at 730 and got back soo fast. emily had gone to the after party, because shez a crazy woman. we just hung out here for a while talking nonsense. it was awesome. weekend was successful. fucking crazy, but amazing. woopwoop.

blink182.

on sunday, derek and i traveled to good ol mountain view to watch my beloved blink 182. chester french, taking back sunday and weezer were the opening acts. we missed chester french and tbs mostly. when we got there we could hear tbs playing but once we got in they were overz. it rained the entireeee time. so we were all soaked, but enjoying it nonetheless. blink182 was freaking amazing. best ever ever ever ever ever. i was completely in love with the whole show and wow. best ever ever ever. ily derek for taking meez. woop woop.

ima hustler.

i'm not a hustler whatsoever.

i need a jobbbbbbbb.

i need moneyyyyyyyy. waaaaaaaaah.

today i applied to a few jobs for the work study program. i got it last year and i didn't apply for anything, but this time i did and i'm really hoping i get SOMETHING. i'm not picky, well i am but not around here. i applied to a couple of non work study jobs off campus too so hopefully something turns out good. because i hate my life when i want to buy something and i just can't. hmph. oh well though. i wanna get a job but once school starts thats not my priority. but until then....which is another two weeks and two days, i'll keep hanging out and searching. gahhhh.

mmmmm.

emily made rainbow cake. not that one but thats pretty much what it looks like. but better cuz its two layerz. it is soooo good. i ate a small slice today before dinner. yes before. and then i had a bigger one a little while ago and mmmm. sooo delicious. itz made with 7up! no eggs, no oil, no milk. batter and 7up. and rainbow deliciousness. i think i want another slice, but i have a few days to enjoy it because emily made it just for novelty. she never had any intention of actually eating it. haha. anywho, the cake was worthy of my blog. kbye.

cordyceps.

so me and derek (i almost wrote @derkahh) watched the whole planet earth series. and there was a part that i just HAD to blog about. so there's these mushrooms in the jungle, and theyre called cordyceps. and they're fucking crazy acid mushrooms. so there's like a different type of cordycep for a different type of animal. like each one targets a specific animal. and what it does it the mushroom grows and then shoots out these little spore things. and then the spores latch onto the bug. and then the mushroom spores take over the animals' body and mind. and the mushroom tells the animal to climb higher on a plant or tree or whatever. because the mushroom is controlling where it wants to grow. and it wants to grow in a higher place with proper temperatures and humidity and shit. so the mushroom makes the animal climb and when its at a good spot it fucking just dies attached to the plant and and explodes and more fucking mushrooms GROW OUT OF ITS BODY (pictured). tell me thats not fucking crazy. the mushroom CONTROLS the animal so it can die and make more murdering mushrooms. thats scary. whats scarier is that theres like five thousand different types of these mushrooms for all the different insects and bugs and shit in the jungle. theyre gonna evolve and spores are gonna stick on humans and we're gonna be sad that we're becoming mushroom fodder. waaaah.

goodbye.

lolz park free and ride...goodbye baldwin park cuz i'm moving back to the beauty that is santa cruz tomorrow. but i'll be back in two weekz for oral surgery and mayraz baby shower. and then for the babyz birth. and then for hard halloween. and then for thankzgivin. and then winter break. and then for spring break. and then for summer. and shit in between i'm sure. i'm excited. i'm gonna miss you all very much, except derek who's gonna be there with me. haha. i should finish packing now...rawrawrawr. xoxo.

i'm back.

i've come back to blogging, for realz though.

cuz july is almost over.

and i'm moving back so santa cruz next weekend.

ummm, k idk anymore.

but on tha real, i had quite the downfall at the beginning of the summer and despite it i've learned to grow up a little bit at a time and just try my hardest. because itz up to me to do the work in life not anyone else.

on another note, i'm going to laguna tonight so i'll be sure to post about that tomorrow. or something. i have work so maybe not. ew work suckz.

k i'm going to eat with mayra now. bai.

hello summer.

thats a summery kind of picture right? it's from the beach! in santa cruz! from samantha's birthweek! YAY.

so i'm done with school now and i'm going home friday FINALLY. its been a good year, i guess. idk. there's more i could have done and more i should have done but that's not relevant anymore. whats important is that i realized i need to stop being a dipshit. i've got a plan and i'm really determined to set everything straight and do well.

for the summer i plan to do nothing and everything and read to mayra's baby. that's all.

JUST KIDDING I'M GONNA GET WILD AND FORGET ABOUT BABY. hahahah jk again. no but seriously i just want to enjoy my summer and be at home and eat good food and hang out and stuff. go to disneyland five thousand timez. maybe have a steak dinner. eat some ice cream. you know? yahman. i'm excited.

well now i'm gonna suffer from boredom until sometime friday when my papa comes to get me. then i shall be homebound and shit. yayyyyyyy.

overit.

two weeks and i am DONE.

i love you ucsc - college eight.

see you soon summer<3

in class.

i don't know what to write.

i had ideaz to write and now i'm like :|

burgerburger.

we're watching a video on vermeer (the artist).

apparently he's classy.

and he painted.

and he liked to paint womenz.

this picture was just shown.

or well painting was just shown.

vermeer planned everything about it before actually starting to paint it.

mhm.

i'm over it.

kbai.

oh he's talking about camera obscura!

star wars day!

hey ya'll. happy star wars day. may the fourth be with you. hahahah get it?! um yah. i woke up nice and early and tweeted about it. only because i had class at 930. ANYWAY. today is star wars day. all my tweets (twits/twitterz/twat) were star wars related. and i'd like to say that they were damn good at relating to the movies. because i am THAT awesome. i was having a blah day and quoted princes leia (and her message in r2 to obi) and obi won TOTALLY replied to my twit via his twit. like ok i knowwww it's not reaaally obi, but it was fucking cool anyway. hahaha. i wish i was at disneyland to go on star tours. although none of the cool characters are in it. i was called a nerd like ten times today, at least. which is totally okay with me. i guess. cuz i mean, star wars! STAR WARS DAY. thats important. may 25th! 32 years since a new hope came out. did you know there's star wars day at disneyland? its unofficial but still. at disneyworld it's official. they have storm trooper parades. derek's taking me (or at least he said he would). anyway i was pretty excited about it and you all should be too. thanks for going along with it with me and letting me tweet star wars things all day. and well, may the force be with you.

mhm. :)

<333333333

this is to express my profound

love and appreciation for them.

my little morsels of love.

jd.

i love you, but you destroyed me last night.

i think we need a break....HA. just kidding.

<3

birthweek.

so it was my birthweek. i guess i'll end it today. maybe tomorrow night. just for fun. anyway, let me recap. i went home friday with derek and it was awesomeee. because we got home early and mayra and edgar (and baby) were home still. and i bought baby a hoodie from american app. so cute. anyway, we went to eat tacos from highland park and it was completely delicious. derek had never been and ate eight. and i ate seven. and we weren't even high. i should mention that we had some first and then ordered more later. and the 2nd time we got out to order, edgar gave us extra money to buy this homeless man two tacos. and i was like totally sketched out about it but i was like FINE. so we get in like, and the homeless man yelled at me! and i was like WTF. cuz apparently he was starving and we cut him in line. and i was like uhhhh. and then he bolted. without tacos. it was very weird and i did not appreciate it. and for that i used the money to get more tacos for myself and derek. stupid homeless man. then saturday mayra woke me up to go on our adventure. mayra edgar derek and me (and baby) went to the park&ride in pasadena and bought a day pass for the metro. and we took the gold line to highland park again to smash on follieros. and we ate soooo much. pizza and salad and pastrami sandwich WITH cheese. best EVER. hands down best time i've ate there, well at least the pastrami was. i could not stop eating it was kinda gross. anyway, after thattt we went to union station then to the red line stop by the children's hospital. and from there we took a trolley bus up to the griffith observatory. it was so legit! and we watched the crazy show about the universe in the new dome and it was crazy. i learned about dark matter. and i learned that drugs would enhance the show. and i learned that the universe is expanding. and i learned that mayra's baby should be named copernicus like i've been saying. moving on, after that we traveled back and busted a failed mission (for derek) and then went home cuz me and derek and to pick up babywhilekyle. so we went to pick him up and alex up and went to the canyons to be rowdy hoodlums, which worked out very well. alex ate an edible and refused to walk into her house so we ended up bring her back to my house. and we passed out in my room and even though i put an alarm i was awoken by alex. and it was sunday morning coachella day and we were late. so we took her home and i got ready really fast and she picked me up and bam we were off to indio, ca. they had a welcome to indio sign. and we were like, PFFT ALL YOU HAVE IS COACHELLA AND HEAT. it was fucking hot. fucking. hot. you know? NO YOU DON'T. cuz whatever you were imagining it was much hotter. i spent way too much money on lemonades and waters and i still wanted to die from heat. when it finally cooled down i was like, ok i can enjoy this now. most of the time we spent with gabe (cesarazzi's brother) in the kroq tent. or in the other ac tent. being ac'd. and we didn't see much of anyone during the day. except for like...busy p. and part of lupe fiasco. cuz it was goddamn hot. we met up with kroq people and got wristbands out of it. which was legit. anywho, yeah yeah yeahs and the cure killed. and it wasn't hot so it was majorly epic. the whole day it was too hot to drink my tequila that i didn't drink at all except for maybe a shot's worth. maybe two. so THEN monday i have to shame to say that i was bakedbakedbaked. there was like a dozen people in my garage smoking god knows what all day and after a certain point i was like BYE and pretty much just nodded along because i was easily distracted and not completely there. and mayra knew it and messed with me. i don't even remember if i ate or not that day. hm. i know i did though cuz derek would not deny me food...would he? hm. i ponder...it was my birthday tuesday! and everyone was like, oh hey happy bday. it was cute. i appreciated it. i hung out with derek all morning and he dropped me off with samantha hemphill, my bestfrand<3. and although we were only together for like half an hour or so, it completely made my weekend. after thattt i went to olive garden with mayra (and baby). it was really funny and she stoled a bunch of chocolates. :] then home for a birthday blunt with my male faviez and ice cream cake! NOMNOMNOM. so bomb. and then :( i had to come home and put my festivities on hold. and that is why today and tomorrow still count. so i can have a full weeks worth of birthcelebrationz. mhm.

goodfriday.

personally, i don't know what good friday means. but i know it's today. and i know this picture has sparkles and skulls and to me that's funny. would jesus christ our lord (i typed loud first) and savior appreciate that? (edit: apparently it's flowers...not skulls. MY BAD GOODNESS. i still think it looks like it so suck it.) idk but if i could ask him i would. i didn't have meat today so that's good right? i had tuna. does that count? i don't think it counts. were tuna around during the crucifixion of christ? he was jewish right? that's why it's passover? man i wish i knew. i am so uninformed and that's just terrible. i guess i don't know everything. sadface. i keep laughing at this picture. it's so ridiculous. bwahaha. anyway, what i do know is that in the dining hall the food earlier was meatless. AND they had a jewish menu. with like matzah ball soup. and! hard boiled eggs all week. which i plan to grab and make into deviled eggs and stuff my face with. nomnomnomnom. is it ironic that they're called deviled eggs and i'll eat them like on good friday or easter and shit? hm. i ponder....anyway, i really don't care about this stuff, i just thought i'd blog about it cuz i blogged about ash wednesday. and when i googled good friday for images this made me giggle. hehehez. ummm, all good naysayers beware? man i d k bai.

lesson: iconoclasm.

i learned some really interesting shit today ya'll. in my history of art and visual culture class. sooo legit. so basically, iconoclasm is when people go and destroy something beautiful. (haha fight club ref.) k no but in all seriousness, it's when people destroy something that represents a certain belief, or institution (like churches), or established values and practices. and the reasons people do it range from religious purposes to political purposes to being assholes. so the pictured is this giant buddha in afghanistan. and its like GIANT. like miles high and shit. so basically, first this group of rowdy muslims chipped off it's eyes right. so basically it had no face, but it was still there standing. and they were doing it for religious purposes. cuz buddha isn't muslim ya'll. so then later later, the taliban took over. and they knew that this giant buddha was important and the western culture (that's us americans) appreciate shit like that. so they were like, oh hey we're going to destroy this giant buddha...unless you wanna saaaaave itttttt. so basically they were trying to get money from us. but obviously no one was going to give the taliban money. and THEN! the getty musuem (HAHAHA DAD!) was like, alright we'll buy the giant buddha for a million dollars, but we aren't giving the taliban the money we have to give it to someone else who owns it or whatever. and the taliban was like, no WAY getty musuem. this be OUR giant buddha. we get the money or the buddha is history. and so then no one was gonna fucking actually go through and give the goddamn taliban money for a giant buddha in af(fucking)ghanistan. so them niggas blew that shit up. and this was all in fucking 2001! before 9/11 ya'll. march 10th to be exact was when it was blown to smithereenz. i just checked my notez. hehehez. ANYWAY, i thought it was cool. and people here were like fucking appalled and shit that the giant buddha was destroyed. but the buddhists didn't give a fuck. because it isn't very buddhist to me like, OMG YOU DESTROYED OUR BUDDHA HOW DARE YOU. you know? and well that's my small lesson on iconoclasm.
ok no there's one more example that was really crazy that i wanna share. there was this king right. named Severus (not Snape although that'd be legit) during ancient roman empire times. and he had two sons. caracalla and geta. so the king's like dream was for the son's to rule the empire together when he died. so when he died, they did rule together, but only for a little bit. because each of them wanted to be the king alone. so fucking caracalla MURDERS his brother geta. and then his crazy ass is like, geta will SO NOT exist in the roman empire anymore in any way shape or form. so basically, in a form of iconoclasm, he had everything associated with geta erased. so statues, paintings, books, manuscripts, EVERYTHING that mentioned geta or had a representation of geta was completely destroyed. it was called "damnatio memoriae" meaning damnation of memory (like you couldn't figure that out). in the picture was geta and caracalla, but after caracalla did his shady business of murdering his own goddamn brother, he had them remove geta and just leave his fat head there. isn't that fucking crazy?!!?!?!? i thought it was cool. and THAT is my story, the end.

movie downloadz.

so like basically i've been on a downloading binge. which is bad because we're not supposed to do it at school! but i can't help myself. i have a problem ya'll and there ain't nothin' i can do about it. ok there probably is but still. whatever man. "get off me." hehehez. aaaaaaaaaanyway, so i got utorrent. and it's awesome. i d k why but i mean it works and i get to watch moviez and i like that so i dig it. and then you go and search on isohunt for torrents and open them in the program and bam! in a little while you've got a free movie! to watch whenever you want! YAHMAN. so now i have alice in wonderland. kill bill 1 & 2 (because even though i have the dvdz, they're at home and i really wanted to watch them). beetlejuice! formula 51 (for derka). and then right now i'm downloading a pixar collection! pixar COLLECTION. soooo excited. with cars and finding nemo and the incredibles and a bug's life (which i haven't seen in SO long) and wall-e (!!!!) and monsters inc (super aw) and ratatouille and toy story (1 AND 2). best ever! sooo happy. i know ya'll are jellyz and are gonna be like, zomgz let me watch witchu. and imma say, NO NIGGA. hehehehz. jk. you can watch...i GUESS. i can't wait for these to finish downloading and get my pixar marathon on. i should be high for that. k i'm gonna watch beetlejuice now for the third time in like three days. wee oh wee oh wee. xoxoxoxoxo- gossip girl.

sickiez.

guis...i'm sick. it sucks. and it sucks more cuz the doctorz at my school were all, ain't nothing wrong that we can cure with drugz yo. :( i've kept wanting to rip out my throat in hopes of some sort of relief, but i figure that's a complicated procedure that can later induce more complicated issues. i wanna scratch it cuz it's itchy, but my gag reflex doesn't let me. i wanna eat ice, but cold is bad for me. i'm so hungryyy, but i can't fucking swallow. i've been living off apple berry juice and half dinnerz because i can't eat anything. and the dining hall has shitty soup. i smoked yesterday and my high sucked because smoking irritated my throat more. where's a vapeyvape when you need one? i hate when i'm sick but not reaaally sick. it's like pretend sick. it's annoying. because i feel real sick. but the doctorz are always like, nope nigga stop crying. :( i don't understand why they can't just cure me on the spot. if i were a doctor i'd do that for my patients. they'd be so lucky and grateful. too bad though. everyones going to suffer because i hate math and science and will not be a doctor. anyway, will you guis send me some won ton soup? my mom mentioned it and that would be pretty bomb right now. even just the broth would be good. nomnom. oh, so i went on webMD last night, just to see what the fuss was about. and it said i had tonsillitis. okay no. it said i COULD have it. that or strep. or mono. or viral pha..something. i don't have ANY of that. how gay is that? it gave me like 3958298 possibilities and i'm practically healthy. that just ain't right. i hate you medicine. you do nothing for me. i'm gonna go gargle with warm water and sea salt now and "take care" like the nurselady told me. gah.

colorcoordination.

mayra you will appreciate this post...people need to learn how to match. it really annoys me when people don't match. actually sometimes i don't care. what reaaally annoys me is when people wear like ten different colors in one outfit. and then it's colors that should not all be together. since today was the first day back since break, i feel like everyone went spring shopping and wore new clothes. but that seems so high school so maybe not. i probably only think that because i saw new people considering i had new classes and such. anyway, my point is that throughout the day i saw at least like five people wearing ridiculous outfits. i obviously don't say anything, but in my head and i'm like, UHNO. ok so like one girl i saw was wearing a jean skirt, grey leggings, black flatz, a brown/yellow patterned shirt, and a lime green hoodie. 1. who fucking wears jean skirts still? 2. who fucking wears jean skirts with leggings? 3. who said wearing ugly patterns was ok? 4. why make an already bad outfit worse by wearing a green sweater? 5. who fucking wears jean skirts still!?!? WITH LEGGINGS?! that's just fail. like, i had to look away but at the same time i couldn't stop staring. now her image is stuck in my head and i can't even think of the other people i saw. sometimes i look at myself, and i'm like, i hope no one thinks this is a bad outfit. and when there's even a hint of something not right, i have to change. that's why i hate dressing up because it's just too goddamn difficult to match and not look like complete shit. everyone should just live in jeans and tshirts. except samantha. i never wanna see her in jeans. ever. it wouldn't be right. anyway, like i was saying. i wouldn't be so upset about how people dress if they could just keep their outfit to a minimum amount of colors. like...three. and if they didn't wear jean fucking skirts with damn leggings. i just remembered i saw a girl wearing ratty jean shorts black uggs and a brown shirt. i hahahahahaaaaaaaateeeee that. first of all, uggs aren't attractive whatsoever. second of all, brown and black are ugly together unless you're rihanna or samantha (you bitch you can wear anything). third, why the fuck would someone wear uggs in this weather?! it's not cold. obviously because you're wearing hoochie jean torn up shortz. NO. i'm so done.

springbreak.

break was...fantastic. i got to see everyone i lovelovelove and then some.

my life consisted of: deep sleep. bed. pillow. mayra's bed. mayra. baby. edgar. baby jokes. baby dancing. baby waving. baby head-butting. puppyz. samantha. alex. derek. kyle. david. andrew. sessions. medical. ediblez. more sleep. cuddlez. fast food. good food. home-cooked food. mexican food. alcohol. old friends. new friends. lightshows. drugs. music. dancing. more sleep. baby talk. more jokes. laugh attackz. ice cream. missionz. mayra's car. alex's car. derek's car. david's car. amanda's car. garages. outdoorz. sun. moon. more sleep. hugz and kisses and love all around. best friends good friends just friends. sister. comfyz. disneyland. rock candy. churro. boyfriendboyfriendboyfriend. sleep. bowling. babymama. babywhile. rubbing the belly for luck. stolen shoez. family dinner. fresh coffee. cash moneyz. late nightz. nap timez. harry potter. star warz. the office. living room. ice cream. samantha. mayra. secretz.

i'm sure there's more to it but i'm too tired to think. this spring break was pretty much exactly what i needed. lovez my life.

love of my goddamn life.

"i am every song. every word every note every guitar solo every chorus every breakdown every chord"

samantha mariah hemphill.

celluar.

my phone hatez me. it literallly hatez me. it is actually TAUNTING me right now. at this moment. i've had this particular phone for like...idk three months ish? and it's already being an asshole. LOOK AT IT! it's fucking with me right now still. anyway, so my phone decided to hate me and stop charging correctly. i mean maaaaybe it was a little bit of my fault, but does it really have to stop working after three months? THREE?! i have a theory that it's because it's green. i don't know what the color has to do with it but it does. and green is totally not a lucky color if you aren't irish. which i am not. so green has failed me. it's really upsetting because i love my phone. it takes care of me in a way. we have a relationship. it helps me be connected with all the people i love who are so far away from me. and then. aaaaaaall of a sudden, its like "oh ihy. i don't wanna charge and die in the middle of your important texts and late night conversationz." and i'm like, really? really?! :| i've had this problem already and i thought we had worked passed it and moved onto better thingz. but i guess i was wrong. deadazzwrong. because my phone will be plugged in all damn night and i unplug it to go to a stupid final presentation and in a couple of hours it has one bar. ONE BAR. i'm so upset. and nowwwwww, i'm sitting here. trying to charge it. and it's being a fucking asshole. when it's charging the little red lights go on. and all i see with my damn peripheral vision is blinking red lights. blinking is not good! blinking means it's charging, it's not charging, it's charging, it's not charging. it's so annoying! and i swear it's so upsetting that i fucking talked to my phone. i straight up had a delusional moment and told it "please charge for me. it's very important because i need you to be working all day and not just die at any given moment. stop hating me and charge." and i plugged it in, and guess what. it didn't listen to me. or it did and it just doesn't give a shit about my feelingz. so fuck you green lg rumor. i hope you DO die so i can send you to the sprint trash bin and get a new phone to replace you. and i hope it's one that you hate so i can love it more and you can be in phone heaven crying about it. you'll miss me i swear. and i won't care just like you don't care about charging! ugh, i even that said under my breath hoping it'd hear me and change it's mind. i think it might have. cuz now it's charging....phones are so complicated....don't tell the phone but i'm still getting a new one. whether it charges or not.

sigh. i'm sad i just wrote about my phone like it knew me. actually i take it back. that was entertaining and it let me vent about how annoyed i was with it. good day.

dhall.

i went to the dining hall earlier and like every other time i go nothing looks good to me so i automatically go make myself a tuna sandwich. yesterday, i made one and didn't eat it because it tasted TOO fishy. today i made one and forgot to put tomato in it and didn't realize it til i was like half way through. ugh. i live off tuna sandwiches and it's so sad. i hate tuna. when the fuck did i ever like tuna? aaall of a sudden it's all i can fucking eat. tuna. fries. and cucumbers. everyday. once a day. without fail. the only thing good about the dining hall is the friez. and ice cream. mmm ice cream. i want some now...oh and the browniez! i have one sitting on my desk waiting for me to gobble it up. i wish i had a coca-cola to go with it. if i had change i'd go downstairs and buy a pepsi. but i kinda hate pepsi so maybe i wouldn't. tsktsktsk. sigh. i don't know. my blogging skillz are not in sync with me today. my day has been so uninteresting. k my life just got interesting. change of subject in one post. ready? k here it goes.

lsgbutterfly: like you tug it off

lsgbutterfly: you dont remove it slowly

Jeanette Trinidad: no cuz last time i thats what i figured it was. like me being all rowdy with it.

Jeanette Trinidad: but sometimes i did put it in the dark and kinda had to poke around

Jeanette Trinidad: hahah

lsgbutterfly: thats what HE said!!

lsgbutterfly: bwahahahahaha

Jeanette Trinidad: hahahahahha NICE

wow i fucking love her.

wow.

i just had a moment with myself. like a MOMENT. you know? i usually have moments with other people where you feel an epic burst of emotion and you let out a sigh of relief and it just feels so good to be a part of their life. i had one with mayra on saturday (did you feel it?!) when i surprised her and we hugged for a quick second. it was super aw. and i have these moments with samantha all the time. and with derek. and i just had one with myself. it was so weird but so amazing. for that moment, i felt absolutely perfect. and right now i'm really happy that i had that moment. my life made sense. everything was right. and it was pretty much the best feeling ever. i had got out of class early so i walked to this spot on a hill and just sat there alone watching the sunset while listening to cocorosie on my ipod. and i'm sitting there and i start thinking about everything and everyone in my life. and then i had a sad nostalgic moment but quickly realized not to be sad about things like that because there are just some things you can't control or change. so then i got up to walk back to my room and i was like, man a cigarette would be fun right now. and literally right after i had that thought a girl stopped in front of me to light one. so i asked her for one and she gave me one, and it was a 27. and in my head i kept getting happier and happier because i was having good luck with this little personal rendezvous. so i walked down a seperate path and sat on a railing facing the trees and ocean and sunset and it was so beautiful. and everything surrounding me was just so close. or something idk. it was just simple and nice to be around. and sitting there smoking the cigarette watching the sunset listening to werewolf i realized how amazing my life is. how amazing it HAS been. how everything that i worry about doesn't even matter because it's so unimportant to be getting worked about. because in reality what matters in life is the people you surround yourself. its how you interact with them and how you show you care. and i feel that i sometimes don't do enough to show the people closest to me just how much they mean to me. but i figured that if they didn't know, they wouldn't be so fucking good to me. and it was like a moment where i was like, shit. i fucking LOVE these people. i almost can't live without them so going home to them is just amazing. i can't say i'm sure how i ended up stumbling across this thought in my head. but it was there and tapping into it made me feel better about myself. maybe it was all the alcohol and drugs i've been doing. maybe it's the fact that i was just home without really knowing i would be home. maybe it's the fact that mayra's pregnant and i think about that a lot and how it's like double love for her now. maybe it's the fact that each time i see samantha i feel more like a sister than just a friend because we're really just THAT close. maybe it's the fact that i have a boyfriend who has been so charming and good to me and i absolutely love him. maybe it's the fact that i live a seperate life from alex but when we're together we still live the same life. maybe it's the fact that the people i didn't think i'd ever be close to i see like little brotherz and best friends. maybe it's the fact that music makes my mind open up. maybe it's the fact that sometimes you just need to sit alone and think. maybe it's everything just coming together tonight at this particular sunset. whatever the reason, in that small space of time, i changed. i felt myself change. i felt myself realize something and i felt it change me. i felt it all at once like a blow to my fucking soul. i'm so complete right now.

ketchup.

catch-up! get it? hahaha tomato! pulp fiction? anyone? yahman.

so i was home this weekend and attended what was theeee most ridiculous party ever. or maybe iii was just really ridiculous? yah i think that's it. homieshit FUCKYESSLA tore my shit up.

let my ramble begin: i got there saturday. i surprised mayra. i picked up some stuff from home. i went to samantha's house. i got ready. i didn't wear a bra and it was so weird. but alex and samantha were like ooohnomnom and shit. lolz. and then we went to cvs where alex bought a bottle of jack daniels and a pack of cigarettes. like true party goers. then we got to the glasshouse where we met up with derek and kyle and smoked a bowl or two. idk but samantha and me were getting impatient and really just wanted to drink so us 2 and alex went back to the car to do that. then we saw a cop pass by so we jumped outta the car like if he had just got there are were gonna smoke a cig. and then we drank more. and then we went inside and i was already drunk so my memories kinda faded in and out at this point. i remember seeing everyone. kyle jenni daniel topher this girl i went to bp with and like 50729052 other people. and i remember going backstage with alex for a quick second but of course there was cesar+alex drama so we left and then...idk. i was basically with samantha the whole night and alex ran off backstage and onstage with karla. so it all worked out rather well. somewhere in that night i went back to the car with sam and derek and kyle a few times and we pretty much finished the bottle of jack daniels. i was borderline belligerent. but i was high so that may have chilled me out. after that...i'm really completely not sure. i just looked at the pictures today and i don't remember any of them. i don't remember how i managed to take so many with so many different people. i don't remember getting into other people's WITH ryan's camera nonetheless. idkidkidk. i had this goal to be trashed and i was SO trashed. i don't remember when we left. i don't remember buying more soda and cigarettes. i don't remember what time we got home. i don't remember how i started drinking MORE once we were home. i don't remember the last drink i took. i don't knowwwwwwww. i woke up drunk for my late breakfast with mayra. she laughed at me. and i don't even know. i use that phrase a lot describing that night. because that's all i can really say.

best night EVER. amirite? yahman.

loves it being logged in

hehehez.
i love you jeanie weenie.

random revelation.

i was in the dining hall this morning after class, so like right now before this, and i had the funniest revelation.

so in the dining hall, they always have music playing and in the morning, it's ALWAYS in spanish.

and i always know the song playing. and they usually remind me of my mom.

anyway, today's song reminded me of another song.

and then i was like, oh shit. totally the same song.

except one's in english and one's in spanish.

here they are:

that's crazy! bwahahahaha.
and it turns out that shania twain's song came first (1997) and then rogelio martinez's did (2004).
and yes i checked the dates because i am THAT interested.
anyway, that's my morning revelation and i hope you enjoyed that...
even though you don't all know spanish.
lolzbai.

potpourri blog.

this is going to be kind of long because i have a lot of ideas for some reason, k.

so i've been on a banana binge these last few days for some reason. it's really weird. since sunday i've had like six bananas. including the one i'm eating right now. hahaha. nomnom. then i wondered if it had to do with the fact i want a banana tattoo, but i haven't been thinking of that lately. i just got the sudden urge to eat a banana and they've been so good that i keep eating them. i told carrie and she said that something's wrong with me. she's on acid though so whatever. and the best part is eating this banana with a coke from mexico. in a glass bottle. that i had to open with a knife. mmmmmmm platasi. you get it!?! only mayra and derek will really get it. anyway next subject...i rediscovered my love for art/museums yesterday because i was looking at random ass shit online and somehow ended up being sad that i haven't been to my dad's work in...forever. i was seriously against that place for the longest time cuz i've been there like a million fucking times. but now i wanna go. so spring break? we're going. and by we i mean everyone. i don't care actually. as long as i go i'll be happy. it's like i'm retarded for having a dad who works at the getty museum and i don't wanna go. :| and you know it's not like it's the same thing everytime. i feel like i need to dedicate myself into going more often and just sit there and stare at something. i should go on acid! that would be insane actually so nevermind. i haven't even been to the getty villa! and that disappoints me now. i just never wanted to go with my family cuz they're so boring sometimes. not you mayra, you're cool. the point is, it's something that i've appreciated for a longlong time. and it's not only because my dad has worked there for ten damn years. it's because it's the first really interesting thing i learned in elementary.which leads me to my next subject, GATE. i bonded with samantha via text for a little bit over this. GATE was this kick ass program i started in third grade and kept doing until ninth grade. actually i still did it ninth grade. anyway, it was the Gifted And Talented Education program. and basically all the kids with brain power got to leave school in the middle of the day and go to another school and learn about random ass relevant to life shit. like one year it was all art where we learned about monet and renoir and van gogh and degas and kahlo. and learning about space and color and strokes and canvas. and one year it was all architecture about buildings and bridges. and one year it was all crime solving. it was so cool! and i fucking loved going to it. during winter break i was looking through all my old papers in a filing cabinet my dad has, and i found a bunch of GATE folders. everything we did was so creative and shit that it made me sad i don't do things like that now. we got to play with flubber stuff once. actually it was oobleck. from dr. seuss. you know? that green stuff and it's all sticky and crazy. anyway, we had to build a spaceship model out of limited certain supplies and it had to be able to land on the oobleck and stay floating for like 30 seconds or something. and my partner was yen! idk how i remembered that right now. anywho, you basically had to figure out that it couldn't be too heavy so it should have lots of parts. and that it had to have flat stand things because a stick would just be swallowed. and that aluminum didn't stick to it as much as paper. it was genius. and ours totallyyyy floated and we passed and we were awesome. and one time we had to build a suspended bridge that would hold hot wheels. the more cars it could hold the better. and one time there was a "murder" and we had to figure out who done it. kinda like clue but not as cheesy. in all, GATE was probably one of the best experiences of my childhood. even though a lot saw me as some lame skinny girl i was still happy to be better than everyone. because i was better than half the student population. i take that back, i still am better.

dreaming.

i tried to find a picture of someone actuallyyy dreaming, but i didn't like any so i gave up and used this one. anyway, i had theeeeeee craziest dream EVAR.

so im sleeping and i heard someone knock, idk if that actually happened or not, so then i didnt open the door or anything i sorta just fell back to sleep and then i heard someone come in and i was like "..." so i opened my eyes a little and i saw someone at the foot of my bed and i started like breathing really heavily and then they started walking like to the side of my bed and standing like by the desk and i was like oh shit wtf. and then they started getting really close to my face, so i like turned and like threw my arm out to hit them and when i did that the person disappeared!

it was really really weird. and moreso because i'm convinced i was awake or something. lucid dreaming? I D K. I D K. I D K. then! i told derek and he questioned me and was like, how can someone disappear crazy. and i said, they're a ghost? and he was like NO. and i said maybe! and no. he shot my idea down. :( and then i told my friend about it, and she was like dude maybe it was a ghost. see! I KNEW IT. and i JUST confirmed with alex that it was totally a ghost. i'm seeing ghosts. in my dorm. anyway, it was crazy and creepy and i don't know what to think of it. that's my story the end!

lurking dance picturez.

best pictures ever.

i love hoodratz too! and you know there's like a billion at dance.

and bwahaha, cutest couple alert.

that's all i have to say about last weeks dance...

idk.

i'm sad because i don't have anything really cool or interesting to blog about today about this weekend. my life is so uninteresting all of a sudden and that sucks because i like being the crazy girl with the cool stories. :[ but not crazy insane. crazy as in um....colorful? i don't know. whatever man. this weekend i realized i still really hate beer but i'd rather drink that than nothing. how sad. i also realized that my life is actually really boring here and all my favorite people are in bolen. how sad. i also realized that when i'm under the influence i get nostalgic and that's happy AND sad. i'm a sad sad girl. but not :'( sad. more like :| sad. lame sad? i don't know...ummmmmmmmm. my hair is long? fuck this blog. i sound retarded today. i am so done.

the only thing good about this post is that picture. i'm so disappointed in my blogging abilities today.